Maturity in a relationship

Emotional maturity is something the society values too less. We only realise its importance when we are in the very specific situations.

Being matured is something that the society expects more of us as we grow up, but it is also something that we crave for ourselves more over the time.

I want to talk about the maturity in relationships, especially when you are dating someone that is from a different cultural background or with varied family values.

Sometimes, their opinions and thoughts could make ourselves feel conflicting and hard to accept, but this is exactly where we need the matured attitude to handle all the clashes.

We tend to fall back on what’s familiar to us—usually things we picked up as kids. When we date, we meet people whose parents had different ways of showing love, and that’s why we sometimes click, and sometimes feel like the other person’s from another planet.

I watched a video called “Signs You’re Not Meant To Be In A Relationship“. Despite the title, it helped me reflect on what I’ve learned from my partner, and I really want to make those lessons a part of me.

The video highlights four pillars of a healthy relationship and 10 signs that someone might not be ready for a relationship. In this article, I will focus on the five key points that I feel related to. These are the aspects that I need to consider carefully before I can confidently say, “I am ready.”

The person we care about comes from a different place and has a totally different life experience. We’re two personalities, two lifestyles, and two sets of values. Being able to see life through their eyes is key.

2️⃣ Learn How to Communicate

I often feel like I’m giving my partner all this extra care and support, even when he hasn’t asked for it. When he doesn’t do the same, I get disappointed, which sometimes leads to awkward silences.

But I’ve realised I can’t expect him to read my mind.

Being open about my needs and feelings can feel vulnerable, but being transparent is what really strengthens our connection.

3️⃣ Learn How to Love Yourself First

This might sound like it goes against compromise, but it’s all about balance. Accommodating someone else’s way of life is important, but it doesn’t mean losing ourselves.

We’ve got to be our own source of validation and confidence; our partner should be the bonus, not the foundation. Relying solely on them for validation is unfair—it puts pressure on them to handle both their own needs and ours.

Once we learn to love and respect ourselves, we can find that balance and have a healthier relationship.

4️⃣ Figure Out What We Want

A friend once told me her friend would set a few key topics to discuss on each date before deciding whether to invest more time in that person. At first, it felt too structured for me, but I’ve realised it’s smart to have a clear conversation about what the person I’m dating and I want for the future.

We need to figure out what matters to us and reach an agreement before getting serious.

Sometimes vague answers can be frustrating, but I try to remember that everyone has their own pace, and as long as the one I am falling for and I have a final deadline, we can still enjoy getting to know each other.

5️⃣ No Unpacked Emotional Baggage

When starting a new relationship, it’s our job to make sure the other person knows they’re not being compared to anyone from our past. We need to come in with a clean slate, clear mind, and focused heart. I remind myself, comparisons are unfair.

Our partners can’t change what we have experienced in the past and shouldn’t have to live up to it.

Growing up in a culture without dating, it took me time to understand how people from other cultures approach it. Developing maturity in a relationship like this is challenging, especially when being with someone who needs more time to figure out their feelings. It can feel tough when one person feels ready, but the other person is still figuring things out.

Despite all this, remind ourselves that while the other side is developing their feelings, we are also figuring out if this way of connecting works for us.

Achieving emotional maturity means recognising the areas we need to work on for growth. Feeling insecure isn’t fun, but it’s also a chance to learn to respect our own needs and speak up when things don’t feel right.